The night didn't start badly, in fact, sitting in a park drinking straight Bacardi on the rocks was more than satisfying for a broke Friday night. When it reached about midnight we decided to head to 'The Jazz Place', initially under the personal assumption that it would be, well, a Jazz bar? When we arrived, we were greeted by reasonable entrance fee's of £3 to £4. Despite the relative emptiness of the place, it wasn't too bad inside. We bought a drink, took a seat and then began to listen to what we can only describe as 'abhorrent' music.
After the drinks were finished, we went out for a smoke. Around 30 minutes must have elapsed before we decided to head back down. As we re-entered the venue, we noticed something very different. It seemed that in the 30 minutes or so that we had been outside, dozens of Hipsters had infested the place like flies on shit. The shear stench of vegan food, B.O. (as a result of the incessant reluctance to remove their grandparents sweaters) and pretentiousness flooded the air. We couldn't stop laughing when our 'not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed' friend told us that "we [were] in a gay bar" (which we weren't). In fact, it took a good while explaining to him that he was incorrect.
As previously mentioned, we aren't alien to Hipster-ism, but there was something distinctly vile about these ones. Personally, we believe in Libertarian views, freedom of speech, expression and all the rest of that crap. Thus we condone what they do, we wouldn't question why they do it (mainly because we'd get some shit-heap of liberal green agenda for an answer) and we definitely wouldn't impose there decisions to look utterly ridiculous.
Although, tt is near enough impossible not to be critical when one blogs about such a scathingly oxymoronic sub-culture. These are the kind of people which claim to be accepting of others, when in reality they look down at those who eat meat, vote mainstream and haven't bought everything they own from a fucking vintage shop.
But, because we're such nice guys here at Yep, Geddon! we've decided to help those who actually want to fit in, we would advise the following for beys:
- Tight jeans, preferably ankle swingers, or if not, pin-rolled.
- Converse, vans, brogues, boat shoes or low-cut plimsoles with wooden soles (?).
- A baggy t-shirt is essential, go shopping with the intention to be an extra in 'The Wire'.
- Stupidly tight denim jacket (even in the summer heat).
- Big rimmed non-prescription glasses, think Clark Kent.
- A canvas summer bag, that's right beys, a handbag.
- Finally, an ironic mustache coupled with a messy bowl cut.
- Look like a 1940's housewife, the less skin showing the better.
If you've managed to get this far (we personally would've stopped reading after the title), you deserve stripes. Unfortunately we can't dish them out, but, we can give you advice, and that is;